Click here to listen to a full audio recording from Shahni’s 2/7/15 memorial service.
Shahni’s Story
Written by Shahni Barstatis on January 17, 2005 as part of a church outreach project.
I was born and reared in the Chicagoland area. I grew up in a town where everyone knew each other, and there were a lot of children to play with. We all pretty much ran around without a care in the world. There used to be a siren that went off every night at 6:00 p.m. That is when we had to go home, and that is when we cared because if we didn’t get home quickly, we couldn’t go back out after dinner. I had the American suburban dream life growing up: a house, a dog, and two cars. Sorry, there was no white picket fence. Oh yeah, . . . . . there were 10 of us instead of 2.5!
We did the typical kid things: countless hours of video games, bike riding, and basketball. Basketball was a big thing for us. My favorite childhood memory is a toss up between trips to the candy store, buying like $2.00 worth of one cent candy . . . or . . . countless trips to the movie theater a few blocks from our house. It only cost $1.50 for the movie. We always sat in the very front row. We, the two eldest of my younger siblings, our neighbor, and myself, complained about how sore our necks were from staring up at the screen, and we swore we would NEVER sit in the front row again. The next day . . . yep, you guessed it . . . front row!
I started going to church when I was five years old, and I got saved then, as well. The next few years or so of my life were pretty much the same. When I got into middle school, I joined the school band, started babysitting, and got involved with my church’s youth group. Then it was time for high school! Things started off great, but by my sophomore year there was a lot of negativity in my life. I got depressed, gave up, and coasted through the next three years of high school. My church group and band were actually the only reasons I got up day after day.
After a while, church started to get repetitive and boring. I didn’t want anything to do with it but just went through the motions to please my parents. A few months after I graduated from high school, I moved out and stopped going to church. At the same time, I didn’t really give up on God. After I moved out, I started living life my way but with a few standards from God. I thought I had everything under control and that I didn’t need God anymore. In fact, I was slowly drifting away from God, and my standards dropped as well. Without God in my life I started living a destructive lifestyle. I got caught up in this whirlwind that I thought would never happen to me. I wanted out, but I didn’t know how to get out.
One of the things I really wanted to do was to march in a Drum and Bugle Corps. As undeserving as I was, God allowed this to happen so that He could win me back. My dad was also dropping hints to me to try to get me back to church. I think I was slowly warming up to the idea and didn’t realize it at the time. To begin with, the Corps that I marched with played music from Jesus Christ Superstar, and that got me thinking a little more about God. While I was touring with the Corps, we were involved in a major accident. The bus I was on was hit by a car and ended up doing a full roll down an embankment. Shortly after the bus stopped moving, I realized what had happened and how lucky I was to be alive and to walk away. I realized then and there I needed God back in my life! On the way to the hospital I prayed a silent prayer telling God that when I was done with the season I was going to go back to church, and I did. When I returned to church, I got involved right away so I had to go whether I wanted to or not. Before I knew it, I was going because I wanted to, not because I had to.
I attended church for a while and felt that something was missing. I prayed for a ministry and God led me to teen ministry. I decided to pray again because I NEVER wanted to do that! Same answer. I also talked to my pastor and he thought that this would be a great next step for me. This was a huge step in faith because God was putting me in a position that I NEVER EVER wanted to be in. Praise God that I did! I wouldn’t change those four years of my life for anything.
Now what? The whirlwind lifestyle I lived for a while is the kind of life that this, “earthly world,” tells you that you must live in order to have fun. That is far from the truth! I believe that is Satan at his best. It says in Proverbs 4:10-12 (NLT), “My child, listen to me and do as I say, and you will have a long, good life. I will teach you wisdom’s ways and lead you in straight paths. If you live a life guided by wisdom, you won’t limp or stumble as you run.” When I left home, I didn’t live a life guided by wisdom. Not only did I limp and stumble, I fell, and I fell hard. It is a much tougher road to travel on.
My prayer for you is that you listen to those who are teaching you , and that you always have a heart for God. Thank you for your time.
In Him,
Shahni